gwynhefar: (Default)
So last night I dreamt that I had published a novel - just a short little YA fantasy thing, and I was at a conference giving out ARCs. For some reason, there was a huge trash chute next to my booth, and people kept picking up my book, flipping through it, and then throwing it down the chute in disgust. There were all of these *brilliant* writers there - authors I've loved since I was a child: Robin McKinley, Neil Gaiman, Diana Wynne Jones, Jane Yolen - and they all saw this happening and were looking at me with pity. Sharyn November was there too, and somehow I'd managed to get her as my editor. She kept bringing me replacement ARCs since my table kept emptying so fast, and she kept telling me how well I must be doing, as a first time writer, and I wanted to cry and tell her "no, they're throwing them all *away*" but I was too embarrassed. And then I woke up.

Literary self-esteem issues, me? Nah.
gwynhefar: (Default)
So last night I had a dream that I was reading a book. It was a short book, maybe 120-150 pages, almost a novella. And it consisted of a number of short vignettes from the points of view of twelve people who lived in a single apartment building and never spoke to one another. The narrative would switch back and forth among the characters whenever they encountered each other - in the hallway, the elevator, the parking lot, the laundromat, etc. It was all interior monologue about the little (and not so little) domestic dramas of these 12 people. In particular, you find that the man in 4A has a crush on the woman in 3B and vice versa, until at the very end, 3B says hello to 4A by the mailboxes, the first dialog in the whole book.

It was a really neat idea. Now I think I'll have to write it. As if I didn't have enough writing projects to work on.
gwynhefar: (Default)
I had strange dreams last night. There were cupcakes, and bunnies that lived on a kitchen table, and [ profile] shadesong and [ profile] yendi and the Baltimore Aquarium and being in a car that nearly drove off the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. And being left behind. I hate dreaming about being left behind.
gwynhefar: (Ciara)
I had an absolutely horrible nightmare last night. In my dream, I woke up to a bunch of yowling outside my bedroom door and so I went out to find the rest of the apartment *full* of cats. There must have been at least 20 or 25. Turns out somehow my cats had managed to unlock and open the door to the balcony and a bunch of strays from the woods behind the apartment came in (apparently climbing to the second floor with ease.)

So I was desperately trying to find my own cats in the sea of feline fur, get the others *out* of the apartment while keeping mine inside, and trying to make sure none of mine had actually left the apartment. Oh, and one of the strays had brought her three only-a-few-days-old kittens with her.

When I finally did wake up for real, I had to immediately go out and make sure the balcony door was closed and locked and all my kitties accounted for (and no extras).

I mean, I love cats, but even I have my limits!
gwynhefar: (insecurity)
Last night I had what was probably one of the most terrifying dreams of my life. The actual events of the dream were actually pretty normal dream stuff -- I was on a subway that never seemed to go anywhere - first it was headed toward DC, then suddenly it was in Atlanta instead. And later I was in a room and the furniture kept shifting around without my noticing it.

What made the dream terrifying, however, was the fact that I knew I was dreaming and I couldn't wake up. And all those little things that happen in dreams that usually you take for granted - I noticed. One minute there was a desk in this corner and the next it was a bookshelf. I hadn't seen it change, but I knew that it had. And I couldn't *control* anything. Crazy dream-things kept happening but whereas in a normal dream I would simply accept it and move on, in this dream, I was completely aware of the unpredictability of dream-logic.

By the way -- pinching yourself in a dream to make yourself wake up? Doesn't work. I tried it. I pinched myself, scratched at my arms, dug my nails so deep into my palms that they bled. I closed my eyes and willed myself to wake up, back in my bed in my room, but it was like I was stuck. I *knew* I was asleep and dreaming. I knew everything around me wasn't real. But I couldn't escape it.

And then I began to worry that maybe I wasn't really asleep. I remembered how I'd been distracted before going to bed last night and wondered whether maybe I'd accidentally taken my medication twice and was now in an overdose coma and that's why I couldn't wake up. And considering I live alone I wondered if anyone would actually find me in time before I died and if I did die, how would I know?

Meanwhile, I was being whipped around from strange white room where the furniture changed suddenly to subway moving simultaneously in several different cities without actually stopping anywhere and other strange dream places.

Of course, I eventually did wake up, half in a panic (and it's a good thing I did, because the power had gone off in the middle of the night and my alarm wouldn't have woken me up). And it was such a relief to be back where the laws of physics actually worked.

Still, I can't think of the last time I experienced something so terrifying.


Nov. 18th, 2009 12:44 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Last night was a night of very little sleep and much disturbance.

I dreamed I lived in a house (a rather nice house actually), and I came home one day to find it completely trashed: papers and books everywhere, furniture torn or broken, mattress disemboweled, etc. And this cop knocks on my door and for some reason I'm only in my bathrobe. And she asks if anyone's broken in. I'm still in shock, but I show her all the destruction.

And she says there have been these people invading homes of anyone who isn't a good conservative Christian and trashing their places, taking whatever they think will most hurt the victims -- heirlooms, stuff like that. And I realise that a large portion of my books are missing, and all of my important momentos.

The cop lady tells me that they must have done it because I'm gay and a heathen. And she basically tells me flat out that while she'll report it, the case isn't really a high priority for the cops, and that her suggestion would be to move somewhere else and pretend to be the same as everyone else, so it doesn't happen again.

She was very apologetic, but her basic attitude was 'hey, that's the way the world is, and if you just go along it'll go easier for you.' I just felt so violated and *unsafe* It was horrible.

And then there was another dream involving sinister mimes. [ profile] harkalark, that one's all your fault.

A bad night

Nov. 4th, 2009 01:23 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Last night was bad, not just in the I didn't sleep well way, although that was true too, but I had very disturbing dreams.

It started out innocuous enough (and actually kind of silly) in that I had some sort of paint gun thingy that I could point at various walls and carpets and make them turn into all kinds of pretty patterns (yes, apparently I played too much MySims) so I went to the grocery store and redecorated. Somehow, though, that attracted brownies (and not your friendly girl scouts). Real old style brownies, who were messing up the store because they assumed, understandably enough, that all the food had been left out for them. So I was with this team from this organization like the FBI, except we investigated all kinds of supernatural stuff too, and we were trying to figure out a way to get rid of the brownies without offending them, and thus bringing a heap of trouble upon ourselves. And for some reason, my cats were all in the grocery store, and the brownies were tormenting them, and I couldn't get them out. And I felt horrible, because it was all my fault for attracting the brownies with my paint gun thingy.

Then there was someone murdered in the grocery store parkinglot, while we were there even, and so we had to put the brownie investigation on hold (and I had to leave my cats behind) while we investigated this more serious crime. The murderer was a serial killer, and I got this big talking to from the head of the squad because apparently I was on probation because I was bringing back bodies rather than live prisoners a little too often from my cases. Each individual case looked like justified use of force, but put together they were forming a pattern, and the squad leader was afraid I was basically going rogue.

The problem was, he was right, because the organisation was so corrupt that half the people we brought in were out the next day on bribes, and I was so sick of seeing murderers and rapists go free I would look for any excuse to make sure they weren't going to hurt anyone again. So on this serial killer case, I somehow managed to get partnered with this guy who'd already gone rogue, and was essentially killing everyone he suspected of a crime, and he'd been wrong more than once and killed innocent people, so I was having this horrible crisis of conscience worried that I was turning into this guy, but trying to convince myself that I always made *extra sure* the people were guilty before I killed them, because I couldn't stand seeing them go free either.

And no, I'm not usually a 'shoot first, ask questions later' type of person, quite the opposite, really, but within the context of the dream it was so very real and I was twisting myself into all kinds of emotional knots over it.
gwynhefar: (Default)
So last night I had a dream that there was a new dress code at work -- we could only wear t-shirts if the picture/text on the front was the same size as the picture/text on the back. I argued until I was blue in the face that this was unnecessarily restrictive, and that I would have to replace my entire wardrobe, to no avail. I even pointed out that the official library t-shirt (we don't actually have one, but in the dream we did) had a picture on the front and a single line of text on the back thus it was disqualified. This caused some discussion, but in the end the new dress code was upheld. And then I woke up. But I remember being so frustrated and angry!
gwynhefar: (Default)
So I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamt that I found a tunnel that led to another parallel world that was similar to this one but with several key differences.

For one, it was the fashion to colour yourself with patterned paints that stuck to skin and hair but not clothing and never mixed together - whichever one landed on top was the one that showed. They had these rollercoaster-like rides that sprayed you from all sides with different paints so when you got off you were very colourful indeed. It was actually kind of fun.

Also, the whole main square of town was like a bizarre bazaar (cue groans). Lots of fascinating things for sale most of which I can't remember. Also, everyone wore t-shirts with logos on them - often for companies or products, but sometimes for musicians, authors, artists, or sports teams.

Baseball in particular was taken like a religion - fistfights broke out over what team was best and entire shops were devoted to baseball team t-shirts.

At one point I was looking at some old records (yes, records) and they had the collected works of Neil Diamond on clearance because apparently he totally tanked and everyone thought him the worst artist of the 20th century. I listened to a few and all of the songs were similar, but just a little bit off - lyrics that didn't quite scan as well as the originals, etc.

According to the local newspapers, it was only a few months after Katrina -- except that she hit in Israel, not New Orleans. The scenes of devastation on in the papers were just as bad though. People were talking about it, because apparently the area hit had been at war for a good while prior to the hurricane, so the infrastructure was already damaged.

There was a game played by projecting various shaped shadows on the floor of a large warehouse, climbing up a ladder, and then walking above the shadows which somehow held you up in the air as long as you stayed on them. Whoever made it the furthest across without falling won.

Oh, and Neil Gaiman was revered like a god (and rightfully so). The one t-shirt I bought and wore had the covers of his various books cycling through like a screensaver on the front (yes, apparently this was possible on a simple cotton t-shirt).

Oh, and I was mostly hanging out with my friend I. and Abby Sciuto from NCIS (who is just as fun to hang out with as you'd think she'd be *g*)

Yes, I'm strange. We all know this.
gwynhefar: (WTF)
So this morning after my alarm went off I hit 'snooze'. My snooze button has a 9-minute duration. I then remember glancing up at the clock again and it was 2 hours later. I panicked, sat up, and went to get out of bed when I suddenly found myself lying back down again. I glanced at the clock - it was only 5 minutes after I had hit snooze. In those 5 minutes I had somehow managed to go back to sleep, dream that I had overslept, and then wake myself up in my panic.

Very odd.
gwynhefar: (louisiana 1927)
Had my first hurricane dream of the season last night. Every year since Katrina I find that I start having hurricane dreams as we approach June whether I'm consciously aware of hurricane season coming up or not. Last night I was out in a huge flat field with a couple hundred other people and there was a hurricane coming and the only thing we had to build shelter with were a bunch of 6'x6' plastic sheets that buckled under stress. We kept trying to build little cubes to shelter in leaning the sheets up against each other and they kept falling down.
gwynhefar: (Default)
So last night I got home and decided to take a nap. I went to bed at 6pm and woke up when my alarm woke me up at 7am. And I definitely could have gone for a few more hours. Didn't get anything done I planned for last night, but at least I feel a little better today.

Perhaps because it finally had a decent amount of time to work with, my brain threw up some very interesting dreams last night. Which I am going to recount here because they were odd and vivid enough that I want to remember them. This will be long . . .

so feel free not to read )

Yes, I know, I am a weird person.

Self pity

Dec. 12th, 2007 01:46 pm
gwynhefar: (defeated)
Today (for me) has barely started and yet it sucks more than a day has sucked in a long time. I was up half the night (and dutifully did work while I was up) so I sent an email saying I'd be working from home this morning. When I finally got to sleep, I had a dream of this post-apocalyptic world in which a bunch of my (in-dream) friends had been captured and sold into slavery, and I had to find them and steal them back, which I did, and eventually we ended up in this underground cavern filled with failed genetic experiments in cages and bottles which were disturbing enough, but then we were chased by a minotaur, which seemed to have succeeded very well in that it was big, ugly, strong, fast, and had an incredibly good sense of smell. It was still chasing us when I woke up to find that my alarm hadn't gone off and I was an hour late for even my work-from-home starting time at work and that I'd missed a virtual reference shift. Which since I'm in charge of VR, really looks bad.

So now I'm here, and I'm going to stay an hour late just to make myself feel better about coming in so late but my back hurts, I have a splitting headache, and I still can't shake the utter despair left over from the dream, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball with a pillow over my head and cry until the whole world goes away and leaves me alone.
gwynhefar: (Roisin)
So, Róisín survived the night, but she hasn't yet begun to respond to treatment. She's neither better nor worse. So we'll just have to see.

Oh, and another thing. I would like to request no more dreams about giant insectoid aliens taking over the planet, please. Facing human-sized cockroaches is not my idea of fun.
gwynhefar: (sciatica)
Ok, so last night I had a horrible nightmare about getting some sort of fungus on my foot and needing to have it amputated. Only when I got to the hospital none of the anaesthesia worked, and they were talking about having to do it anyway, which freaked the hell out of me. Did I mention this was my *left* foot? Of course I woke up to stabbing pains all the way down to my big toe, so no real stretch to figure out where the dream came from.
gwynhefar: (fantasies)
Ok, so you know how when you have really active dreams, you feel like you haven't slept well? That's me today. Had to lean on the wall of the shower to stay upright. I'm exhausted. Did a lot of running in my dreams. And flying, and fighting.

First, there was the Doctor Who dream where the Doctor was accused of killing Yoko Ono. And we were trapped in a burning building. And then once we got out, I had to drive a postal truck through a hurricane. Don't ask.

Then there was the actually rather cool story dream. I have those pretty often. The only real confusion was that I started as a vampire and ended up as a dragon who could take human form. And my mate was Adrian Paul from the Highlander series. But the basic plot was ok. My mate and I had been separated for two years because he thought I had killed our only child. Instead, he had been stolen by this vigilante group who was trying to rid the world of magical species. They were going to raise him to their ideals and then use his abilities to hunt down other magical beings. I'd been spending all that time looking for him, but never being able to get enough information about the group to find where they were hiding him. Eventually, I ran into my ex-mate and was able to convince him that I had not in fact killed the child. So from then on he and I were working together to find our baby. Although the relationship wasn't really what it used to be. We eventually got sucked into this magical beings' rights convention and were trying to find help in rescuing our child when the unthinkable happened. The vigilante group had summoned a demon to help them in their mission and he attacked the conference. My mate and I were two of the very few survivors because we were able to jump out the windows and turn to dragon form and fly before hitting the ground. And let me tell you, even in a dream it is terrifying to jump out of a skyscaper window, wondering if you really can transform in time to not hit the ground. So then there was the requisite fight against the demon, who used our child to mock us, but eventually we defeated him and got our baby back. And there was a bunch of other stuff going on too, but that was the basic plot.

I need a ghostwriter to write some of this stuff up.


Nov. 4th, 2006 12:28 pm
gwynhefar: (Queer)
Ok, some really weird-ass dreams last night.

don't click if you don't want to read long drawn-out ramblings )


Aug. 22nd, 2006 10:15 am
gwynhefar: (DW Hiding)
I had an anxiety dream last night -- I was still in high school, but we had these dorms that were more like little cubicles. And on the last day of exams, we were supposed to be out of our cubicles by the end of the day. But I forgot. So I was desperately trying to pack up my entire cubicle (with its ass-load of books, of course) and my parents we mad at me and all sorts of other things went wrong. The dream in itself is unremarkable, but the fact that I still feel anxious and out of sorts now that I'm awake is quite annoying.

Seems the Zoloft isn't working all that well either.
gwynhefar: (kill you with my brain)
I had a couple of very vivid and very odd dreams last night. In one I was driving around China with my biological father and a woman who in the dream was his wife but in reality wasn't. And for some reason it was important that no one know I wasn't Chinese, so I wasn't allowed to talk (they knew Chinese, because they lived there, in the dream). My step-mother wanted to enter some contest, and she had her son with her and some people were chasing after them so they couldn't enter the contest. And China was full of strange things like roads that were rollercoasters and women's restrooms that only had urinals.

In the other dream, I dreamt I woke up to get a glass of water and realised that someone had stolen all my furniture, my tv, my laptop, *everything*. My house in the dream was the same as my current apartment, except that it had an extra room and a big yard. I ran outside and everything that had been missing was sitting in the front yard. So I spent the rest of the dream lugging everything back inside and trying to put it all back where it belonged. Oh, and at one point Neil Gaiman showed up to help.

Figure those out.


gwynhefar: (Default)

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