gwynhefar: (sciatica)
Had nerve pain bad enough to keep me awake most of last night.  And it's pretty bad today too.  It's probably just a flare-up and the pain won't be constant at this level yet but even so, it's progressing a lot faster than the last tumor I had. If it keeps progressing at this rate I'll probably be back on the cane in 6 mo to a year.  Not cool.  

And of course I'm immediately jumping to worst case scenarios cause that's what I do.  I was lucky that the last tumor was on a nerve branch that could be removed without major loss of function - I'm worried this one might be on a more essential section.  
gwynhefar: (sciatica)
I'm getting really sick of the health stuff recently. I just spent the last 3 days with a stiff back and neck such that I could barely turn my head for the pain and I couldn't sleep comfortably at all. I hate begging my doctor for medication, but I think I'm going to call him and see if I can get a muscle relaxer. It's a little better this morning, but not much. This doesn't count the migraine I had all the past weekend (although they're probably related) or the nerve pain down my right leg that kept popping up yesterday.

I *know* this is all stress. I mean, yes, I have all these various conditions, but they're usually manageable, until stress makes them all flare up at the same time. But considering I'm in the middle of job hunting with no real way of knowing where I'll be living in 3 months much less in a year, I don't really know how to 'fix' the stress problem. Which means I'm dealing with all these other related problems that are making my life miserable at exactly the time I can least afford to be held back by medical problems.
gwynhefar: (sciatica)
Dammit dammit dammit. Shit shit shit.

So yeah. Last night the nerve pain in my right leg was back with a vengeance, strong enough to keep me up. I didn't get to sleep until some time past 6am (thank the gods today is Sunday).

[For those of you who haven't been reading me for years and don't know what I'm talking about, read here.]

Ibuprofen helped some, but not enough. And I don't have anything stronger anymore. Which means I'm probably going to have to go back to the neurologist and hope he's willing to give me medication without making me do an MRI to confirm what I already know is there, considering an MRI would mean me paying my entire deductible at once out of pocket and I definitely can't afford that until after Christmas.

Damn. I wonder if this one is really progressing faster than the last one or if it just feels that way because now I know what it is?
gwynhefar: (sciatica)
I have an invisible illness. Well, actually I have several, but there is one in particular I want to talk about, one that newer readers might not even know about, because I have been in something close to "remission" since the surgery I had March 2008. This does *not* mean I'm cured for life. In fact, it's already starting to be a problem again. So, here's 30 things about my invisible illness you might not know:





1. The illness I live with is: Neurofibromatosis. In plain language, this means I have a tendency to grow (non-cancerous) tumors on my nerves. Depending on where the tumors grow, they may or may not cause physical problems. According to my doctor, I probably have several at the moment. The one that caused the most trouble was growing on my left sciatic nerve - the one that runs from the spine all the way down the leg. As it grew, it caused increasing amounts of pain and muscle spasms in my lower back and left leg. The first twinges of pain occurred in 1998 and it finally became so impossible to live with that I had it removed in 2008. The pain was sufficient to cause major life disruptions by 2003, and by 2006 I had to walk with a cane, because my left leg was too damaged to take my weight, and would often collapse under me. Removing the tumor fixed *that* problem. But the main thing about my illness is that I am always growing more. I've been having pain in my right leg recently, and I believe there's another tumor growing on the right sciatic nerve. It's not to 2006 levels yet, but it's heading there.



2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2006



3. But I had symptoms since: 1998



4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Learning my limits, which may change from day to day.



5. Most people assume: the fact that I've been better since the surgery means I'm cured. I'm not.



6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting out of bed. Especially if there was pain the night before.



7. My favorite medical TV show is: House. Not because of my illness (which they actually got wrong when they mentioned it, which ticked me off) but because I love the sarcasm.



8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Until the surgery, it was my cane. Now - nothing really. At least not until next time.



9. The hardest part about nights are: The pain that wakes you up and makes you sob and curl up into a ball and wish you could just cut your own damn leg off because at least then it would stop *hurting*.



10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) When you combine all my invisible illnesses (which include depression, insomnia, and general anxiety disorder) I take 2 pills daily, plus extra when I have an anxiety attack or when the pain flares. Before my surgery I was on 5 pills daily - including the strongest opiates you could get without an IV



11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have tried massage (helps for awhile) and reiki (also helps for awhile). Neither helps for longer than a day or two, max.



12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Depends on the illness. There are plenty of times I wish people could understand that just because I look fine, doesn't mean I *am*. In particular, I wish my employers could realize that if I'm sometimes a little late to work, or don't get as much done as they think I should, it's not because I'm lazy.



13. Regarding working and career: The intermittent nature of my illness means that I can usually work full time, but I miss a lot of work when there are flare ups. I have been lucky in that academia is usually pretty accommodating. I've had to have graduate assistants do some of the shifting and carrying books that I would normally do. And for the year before my surgery I was allowed to work from home part of the week - I don't think I could have made it otherwise.



14. People would be surprised to know: Tumors can cause major problems even when they *aren't* cancer.



15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Accepting that this is my life, and that it will keep happening, again and again and again, forever.



16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Finish grad school.



17. The commercials about my illness: The Children's Tumor Foundation (which advocates for children with NF) has a billboard with a quote along the lines of "What will you do when you find out your child has Neurofibromatosis."



18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Not having to add the "if I feel well that day" to every plan I make.



19. It was really hard to have to give up: thinking of myself as healthy.



20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: I haven't really taken up anything new. Luckily I always preferred low key activities like reading and playing video games to the more active stuff anyway.



21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Well, the fact that my symptoms come and go means that I do have days of feeling normal, which means the rest of the time is even harder.



22. My illness has taught me: I'm one tough bitch.



23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "I can imagine!" No, you can't. Really.



24. But I love it when people: Accept the fact that my symptoms are unpredictable, and don't assume that because I felt ok today, I'll be fine tomorrow.



25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Since my symptoms are usually worse at night: "Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind." - Sarah McLachlan.



26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Don't overdo it on the days you feel good. It'll make the days to follow that much worse. Learn your limits.



27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: You can bear a lot when there's no other choice.



28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Brought me food when I was complaining on the phone that I was hungry but didn't feel up to going out to get something.



29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: Too few people understand that illnesses don't have to be obvious to rule your life.



30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Thankful that you cared enough to get this far, and hopeful that you've learned something :)

gwynhefar: (hitchhikers guide)
A brief history for those who have not been reading me for a full year and a refresher for those who have.

I have been diagnosed with a condition known as neurofibromatosis. Basically I have a tendency to develop benign tumours on my nerves. This was discovered when I developed one on a branch of my left sciatic nerve, the nerve that controls the leg. I first started feeling pain in my leg about 8 years ago. When it started, it was infrequent and not too severe. I went to several doctors, but none of them had a conclusive answer (sciatic pain being one of those conditions that can be caused by a great number of underlying problems). As time passed the pain became more severe and more constant. Unfortunately, I was in college at the time, with crappy student health insurance and no means to see a neurologist. Best they could do was prescribe me ever-increasing strengths of pain relievers, which they did with great reluctance.

By the time I graduated from grad school, the pain was intense and constant, and severely restricted my daily activities. I'm still not entirely sure how I managed my last year. Once I got a real job with real insurance, I started looking for specialists to help figure out some way of easing the pain. Thus began more than a year of tests and appointments with neurologists, orthopaedics, pain specialists, and others, all trying to figure out what was causing my pain. Most of the focus was placed on my spine, as I had had spinal surgery many years earlier, and the most common cause of sciatic pain is disc problems.

Surprisingly, they were able to eliminate herniated discs, compressed or fractured discs, degenerative disc disease, bulging discs, spinal spurs, and pretty much everything else having to do with my spine. *Finally* one neurologist got the idea of doing a high-contrast MRI of the sciatic nerve itself, and voila! there was the tumor. It was still small enough to be missed when they weren't specifically looking for nerve abnormalities.

Unfortunately, having a diagnosis didn't really solve things. The only way to truly stop the pain would be to remove the tumor, and based on the fact that it was less than 2 inches from the spinal cord, wrapped around one of the feeder branches to the longest and arguably most important nerve in the body, they were reluctant to operate.

Thus began a regimen of attempting to treat the symptoms, rather than the cause. I was on ever-increasing doses of opioid pain relievers, physical therapy to strengthen the muscles so they wouldn't put as much pressure on the nerve, and muscle relaxants and heat therapy to relax the muscles for the same purpose. The constant pain and random nerve firings caused by the tumor were causing uncontrollable muscle spasms, and muscle atrophy.

By the end of 2006 I was forced to walk with a cane, because my left leg was unreliable in its support of my weight. By the end of 2007 I was on higher doses of opiates than House and it still wasn't managing my pain. I had one neurosurgeon who was convinced he could remove the tumor safely, and having run out of other options, I reluctantly agreed to try the surgery.

And so, in March of 2008, the tumor was removed. The surgery was an amazing success. Because the tumor had grown so slowly, my body was able to develop 'workarounds' such that they were able to remove not just the tumor, but the entire diseased branch of the nerve without loss of function (isn't the human body amazing?). So my left sciatic nerve has one less branch feeding into it, but it still works as well as anybody else's. And the pain was gone. It was amazing. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be pain free.

Now, why am I rehashing all this ancient history? Well, there's one thing you need to know about people with neurofibromatosis. We can never just have one. In fact, it is part of the definition of the condition that there be multiple nerve tumors (neurofibromas). After all, one is just a fluke; multiple is a "tendency". I actually have a small raised bump on my left knee that my GP dismissed as a benign cyst - ugly, but ultimately harmless - that is also almost definitely a neurofibroma, just one that isn't causing and problems being situated on a tiny nerve just below the skin. The doctors speculate that I probably have more randomly throughout my body, all of them just sitting there minding their own business. It was because of the size and location of the one on my sciatic nerve that it was such a problem. So I've always known that more could develop some day that would also cause problems.

But really. Is one full pain free year really *that* much to ask?

A little over a month ago I started getting twinges down my *right* leg. I told myself it was nothing - maybe a pulled muscle or tendon or something. But they got more frequent, and today . . .

Today the pain is undeniable. This time it's the *right* sciatic nerve. And it hurts just like it used to on the left. Oh it's nowhere near the level of pain I was dealing with this time last year, right before my surgery. This is the kind of pain that can be dealt with by popping a couple of Advils. But it's the same *type* of pain. And I'm desperately afraid it's the same cause.

I guess I'm lucky. If this follows the same time line as the other one, I figure it'll be a good 2 or 3 years before I have to pull out the opiates again. Even longer before I'll have to think about surgery again (the bigger the tumor, ironically, the easier it is to remove).

*sigh*

Good thing I didn't get rid of the canes.
gwynhefar: (sciatica)
I find it amusing that there is a billboard for the Children's Tumor Foundation that just went up on my way to work and says something like "What will you do when you find out your child has Neurofibromatosis?". Neurofibromatosis is what I have, and prior to being diagnosed with it, I had never even heard of it. Now it looks like it's all over the place.

Although I suppose I'm lucky. I have both the rarest and most treatable form of NF, Schwannomatosis. NF1 typically causes skin lesions and skeletal disfigurations. NF2 often causes hearing loss, learning disabilities, and other neurological problems related to tumors on the cranial nerves. Schwannomatosis, which is much rarer than either of the other two, causes pain, pain, and more pain, but no neurological difficulties aside from nerve pain and the Schwannomas are typically more easily removed without nerve damage than other neurofibromas because while they surround the nerve they rarely penetrate the nerve as other neurofibromas sometimes do.

But yeah, it's kinda weird to see that billboard every day.
gwynhefar: (scrutiny)
So last night I actually did have some definite sciatica pains. But they didn't last long, and I really think that it was simply due to having to spend so much time on my back, which would irritate anyone's sciatic nerve.

I did however discover (now that the incision has healed enough that I can actually reach my feet) that I have a numb spot on my left foot that covers the outer part of my big toe to halfway through my instep. That wasn't there before. It shouldn't be too much of a problem, even if it never goes away, but it is kinda odd feeling. Wonder what it will feel like when I start wearing shoes again?

Daily post

Mar. 10th, 2008 12:29 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 10:30pm to 2:30am, 4am to 10:30am

Pain: Ha! Don't have to do this any more! YAY!

Weather: clear and sunny, 69F, 56% humidity, high 69F

Daily BPAL: FAMINE
Description: Sleek black tea, tobacco leaf, frankincense, lilac, and white musk.
In bottle: tobacco and frankincense with an afterscent of lilac.
On me: musk and lilac. Very light. Not bad, but none of the interesting notes come through on me.

Daily Tarot: Father of Stones, Reversed: Cold and uncaring. Lack of success. Pain at the suffering of the world.

MyMiniCity: Increase Population
Increase Transportation
Increase Industry

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
Blood Poison by D. H. Dublin
gwynhefar: (Default)
So the surgery went very well. I had my moments of freak out, but when all is said and done it wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be. The surgeon said that the tumor was easier to remove than he was expecting, and I have not had a twinge of nerve pain since I woke up. The incision hurts plenty, but the nerve pain is gone. So that is a very good sign.

I'm set to go home tomorrow. So thanks for all your kind thoughts :)

Daily post

Mar. 5th, 2008 11:25 am
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 12am to 7am

Pain: 7-8

Weather: clear, 57F, 47% humidity, high 67F

Daily BPAL: PEACOCK QUEEN 2007
Description: In dramatic contrast to the soft innocence of Snow White and the dew-kissed freshness of her sister, Rose Red, this is a blood red, voluptuous rose, velvet-petaled, at the height of bloom. Haughty and imperious, vain, yet incomparably lovely to the eye, but thick with thorns of jealousy, pride and hatred.
In bottle: Heady rose.
On me: fresh-cut roses, but a little chemically.

Daily Tarot: Wheel of Fortune: Success, unexpected turn of luck, change of fortune for the better, new conditions. Creative evolution within the laws of chance. I certainly hope so!!

MyMiniCity: Increase Population
Increase Transportation
Increase Industry

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez

Daily post

Mar. 4th, 2008 01:18 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 1am to 7am, 7:30am to 9am

Pain: 6

Weather: clear, 46F, 61% humidity, high 56F

Daily BPAL: MISTLETOE 2007
Description: The plant of peace in Norse tradition. If enemies met in the forest and came upon a sprig, they laid down their arms and observed a truce until the next sunrise.
In bottle: a pine-y christmas-y mistletoe scent.
On me: Mistletoe. Smells like Christmas.

Daily Tarot: Knight of Discs, Reversed: The essence of earth behaving as fire, such as molten magma: One slow to action, even in the most urgent circumstances. A force of nature that cannot be diverted from the wrong path. The voice of duty and honor utterly divorced from reality. Lack of imagination and the complete unwillingness to try a different approach, even if the face of complete failure. Idleness and stagnation.

MyMiniCity: Increase Population
Increase Transportation
Increase Industry

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
Oh. My. Gods. by Tera Lynn Childs

Daily post

Feb. 29th, 2008 12:22 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 6pm to 7am

Pain: 6

Weather: clear, 71F, 49% humidity, high 72F

Daily BPAL: POLLUTION
Description: A toxic chypre: radioactive green musk, davana, and oozing white amber.
In bottle: davana and amber with an afterscent of musk.
On me: Light amber with an afterscent of musk and a hint of davana. Not bad, actually.

Daily Tarot: 10 of Spades, Reversed: The darkness before the dawn. An end to suffering, leading to spiritual transformation. A crushing and seemingly total defeat that hides within it the seeds of final victory. Ultimate knowledge gained through ultimate sacrifice.

MyMiniCity: Increase Population
Increase Transportation
Increase Industry

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
Close to Shore: the Terrifying Shark Attacks of 1916 by Michael Capuzzo

Daily post

Feb. 28th, 2008 11:24 am
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 12am to 4am, 5am to 7am

Pain: 8-9

Weather: clear, 60F, 26% humidity, high 65F

Daily BPAL: GREEN PHOENIX
Description: Sage, white mint, grey amber, papaya pulp, crushed grass, cucumber, green musk, green tea, and lime rind.
In bottle: Crushed grass and cucumber, with an afterscent of green tea and amber
On me: Cucumber, green tea, and sage, with an undertone of crushed grass and an afterscent of musk and amber. Very fresh and . . . green. Can't describe it any other way.

Daily Tarot: The Hermit, Reversed: Refusal to listen to wisdom. Immaturity, foolish vices. Rejection of maturity; the tendency to be a perpetual Peter Pan.

MyMiniCity: Increase Population
Increase Transportation
Increase Industry

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
Close to Shore: the Terrifying Shark Attacks of 1916 by Michael Capuzzo

Daily post

Feb. 27th, 2008 01:21 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 1:30 to 7am, 7:30 to 8:30

Pain: 8

Weather: clear, 53F, 27% humidity, high 54F

Daily BPAL: VAMPIRE TEARS
Description: Regret born from ceaseless longing: wisteria, white grapefruit, neroli, green tea, jasmine, white ginger, honeysuckle, iris, and tonka.
In bottle: wisteria, jasmine, grapefruit and honeysuckle, with an afterscent of tonka.
On me: Grapefruit, ginger, and honeysuckle, with an afterscent of wisteria, green tea, and a hint of vanilla.

Daily Tarot: 3 of Wands: Realization of hope, established strength, nobility, wealth, power. Caution against pride and arrogance. Partnership. Help will be offered by a successful merchant.

MyMiniCity: Increase Transportation
Increase Industry
Increase Population

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
Close to Shore: the Terrifying Shark Attacks of 1916 by Michael Capuzzo

Daily post

Feb. 26th, 2008 12:02 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 2am to 7am

Pain: 7-8

Weather: cloudy, 55F, 58% humidity, high 55F

Daily BPAL: DIWALI 2007
Description: Lotus root, mango, tamarind, cardamom, clove, almond milk, cashew, rice flower, coconut, supari, raisins, and incense crafted from aloeswood, red sandalwood, cedar, and spikenard.
In bottle: mango and incense with afterscents of almond and cardamom.
On me: coconut, almond, and mango with an undertone of incense and an afterscent of clove and cardamom. A very interesting tropical exotic scent.

Daily Tarot: The World: Completion, reward, success, triumph in all undertakings. Travel, change of residence, arrival at a state of Cosmic Consciousness. The path of liberation.

MyMiniCity: Increase Transportation
Increase Industry
Increase Population

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
Body Trace by D. H. Dublin
Close to Shore: the Terrifying Shark Attacks of 1916 by Michael Capuzzo

Daily post

Feb. 25th, 2008 12:31 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 12:30am to 2:30am, 4am to 6am, 6:30am to 9am

Pain: 6

Weather: foggy and damp, 69F, 73% humidity, high 77F

Daily BPAL: LICK IT ONE MORE TIME 2007
Description: a peppermint candy cane with a flash of vanilla and an extra jolt of sugar.
In bottle: Candy cane. Like it's really there right in front of my mouth.
On me: Damn that smells like Christmas. It's all I can do not to lick my wrist.

Daily Tarot: The High Priest, Reversed: Authoritarianism. Inflexible and dogmatic thinking. A calcified old regime. Bad or incompetent advice. Inability to hear a higher or inner voice, or pretending to hear it for personal gain.

MyMiniCity: Increase Transportation
Increase Industry
Increase Population

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
Body Trace by D. H. Dublin
Close to Shore: the Terrifying Shark Attacks of 1916 by Michael Capuzzo

Daily post

Feb. 22nd, 2008 12:58 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 11:30pm to 3am, 4am to 5:30am, 6am to 8am

Pain: 7-8

Weather: rainy, 68F, 77% humidity, high 75F

Daily BPAL: FAIRY WINE
Description: An ethereal vintage, steeped with dandelion, honey, and red currants.
In bottle: Dandelion, with an undertone of honey and a sharp aftertaste of currants.
On me: Dandelion and honey, with only a hint of currant. I really wish the currant had shown up more strongly on me.

Daily Tarot: 5 of Pentacles, Reversed: Concern over finance leads to prudent action. Impending physical threat is met with calm and skill. Suffering and loneliness leads to spiritual growth. Stress is met without resorting to excess or the pursuit of oblivion. Now that one is amazingly apropos.

MyMiniCity: Increase Transportation
Increase Industry
Increase Population

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
The General History of the (Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious) Pyrates by Captain Charles Johnson (Daniel DeFoe?)
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
gwynhefar: (louisiana 1927)
So I had to go down to New Orleans this morning to pick up my films from the doctor's office, which is in a more residential area than where I usually go. It's sobering to see, almost three years later, how much destruction there still is. Abandoned houses with clear hurricane damage, houses still with the FEMA codes on them, on-going construction projects everywhere, debris piled on the side of the street. It's like not all that much has changed in some areas.

On the other hand, after I picked up my films I got hot chocolate and beignets from Café du Monde and ate them on the Riverwalk while listening to a saxophone busker before heading back so the trip wasn't completely horrible and depressing.

Daily post

Feb. 21st, 2008 02:26 pm
gwynhefar: (Default)
Sleep: 1:30am to 4am, 5:30am to 8am

Pain: 7

Weather: thunderstorms, 69F, 88% humidity, high 72F

Daily BPAL: BLOOD PHOENIX
Description: Dragon's blood resin, helichrysum, burgundy wine grape, red musk, opoponax, red poppy, myrrh, carnation, tonka, almond, mimosa, jonquil, and neroli.
In bottle: Dragon's blood and burgundy wine grape, with an afterscent of almond, tonka, and helichrysum.
On me: dragon's blood and burgundy wine grape, not quite as sharp as in the bottle, with an afterscent of helichrysum, almond, tonka, and myrrh. Very rich and nice.

Daily Tarot: 10 of Pentacles: Family misfortune; old people may become a burden. Loss of inheritance. Caution against getting involved in projects that are a poor risk.

MyMiniCity: Increase Transportation
Increase Industry
Increase Population

Reading:
Lives of Themistocles, Pericles, Aristides, Alcibiades, and Coriolanus, Demosthenes, and Cicero, Caesar and Antony by Plutarch
The General History of the (Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious) Pyrates by Captain Charles Johnson (Daniel DeFoe?)
Standing at the Scratch Line by Guy Johnson
A Wetland Biography: Seasons on Louisiana's Chenier Plain by Gay M. Gomez
gwynhefar: (Default)
So I'm just settling in on desk when my cellphone rings. I took it with me in case the insurance company called, but it's intermittently busy today and I really can't spend time talking. I pick up to tell them I need to call back and the first thing I hear is, "Hi, I'm 'X' from State Farm's Total Loss Department" Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

So of course I really can't talk until I get off desk in another hour and a half, so now I get to worry about exactly how bad the worst really is. Clearly they've decided to write off my car. Will I get enough to even pay off my loan? How long can I keep the rental while I'm trying to find another car? How the hell am I supposed to find and buy another car *now* while I'm going through my reappointment process at work *and* trying to get ready for my surgery in two weeks?!

Dammit, why?! Why me? What have I done recently to piss Fate off? I still have to find some time this week to go in for my pre-op blood work. Oh and my pre-op physical next Monday. And clean the apartment so that my mother doesn't kill me when she sees it. And go shopping to stock up on stuff for while I'm laid up, which I'm going to need help with because I can't carry a months worth of cat food and cat litter up the stairs. And somewhere in there I'm going to have to find and buy another car. How the hell am I going to manage that?

Profile

gwynhefar: (Default)
gwynhefar

August 2014

S M T W T F S
     12
3 456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 26th, 2017 10:30 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios