gwynhefar: (Pain)
So my right wisdom tooth hole is definitely a dry socket. Extreme pain that is only barely masked by the good pills. And also apparently it only takes a few hours of pain for me to turn into a scowling monster ready to bit folks' heads off.

The dentist tried to ask if I could come in *now*. As in drop everything and come in immediately. Which I couldn't do because I'm on desk right now. I told them I could come by any time after 4pm. The process of packing a dry socket takes about five minutes. However, they apparently are unable to squeeze someone in pain in for five minutes any time until 2pm tomorrow afternoon. Which ticks me off. Their suggestion? Take Advil.

So being predisposed to be ticked off, I went looking for various home remedies and ways of coping for tonight, and found so many ignorant attitudes about healthcare and disability it was enough to make me see red, metaphorically speaking.

On a forum discussing whether expired pain killers are safe there was one self-righteous ass who told the poster that if her back really hurts, what she should do, rather than take 2 year old painkillers, is take a few days off and rest and alternate heat and ice. First off - the original poster didn't mention what *kind* of back pain she had, some of which doesn't respond to heat and ice. And also - typical healthy person entitlement - it's real easy for a healthy person to say 'take a few days off' but if this person has chronic back trouble, she probably *can't* afford to take a few days off. If she's desperate enough for pain relief to be looking at 2 year old medication, she probably has been in pain for at least two years and just 'taking it easy' isn't a current option. What ticks me off is healthy people trying to act like they know what's good for unhealthy people, as if they have any idea of what is even possible, much less advisable.

Yes, I'm over-reacting. It's my prerogative. I hate being cranky and in pain.
gwynhefar: (Default)
This week has been hell sleep-wise. I got 4 hours of sleep Tuesday night, 6 hours Wednesday night, and about 5 last night. To give you an idea of just how tired I am --

When I was 9 I had spinal surgery to remove the extra half of a vertebra I was born with. Without that surgery I would not be able to walk today. However, it was a very risky and complex procedure, and during the process I suffered some minor nerve damage in my right leg. There's a patch of skin on my thigh that is permanently numb, and my right leg is generally (when I'm not dealing with sciatic tumours) weaker than my left. It doesn't show up much, except in the fact that my right foot turns in slightly and I can't control it so I wear out shoes like nobody's business. And when I get really tired - like having walked a couple of miles - my right leg starts dragging.

This morning, I noticed I was dragging my right leg. It takes a lot for that weakness to show up. But the exhaustion of this week has apparently been sufficient. I am sooo glad today is Friday. I plan to go to bed early tonight and sleep late tomorrow.
gwynhefar: (Default)
Today seems to be a day of whinging, I guess. That happens when I'm stuck on the desk on a weekend and have too much time to think.

After a little over a year of being truly healthy again, I'd forgotten what it was like to be disabled. For the past four months or so, despite multiple attempts at medication to control it, I've been having increasing anxiety, panic attacks, bouts of and crippling insomnia. I'm exhausted *all the time* now. The degree varies from 'stumbling around like I'm drunk' tired to 'I could really use a nap' tired but I'm never not tired anymore. I'm back to counting spoons. I'm back to having to make all my plans conditional -- yeah, I'll hang out with you tomorrow *if* I get more than 5 hours of sleep tonight and *if* I don't have an anxiety attack and *if* the thought of actually facing people doesn't make me want to curl up under the covers and *if* my brain is actually functioning at something resembling normal capacity.

It's a different kind of disability from the physical issues I had before my surgery, but it's become a disability nonetheless. Between the recurring nature of my Depression/Anxiety Disorders and the high likelihood that my Neurofibromatosis will continue to cause problems in the future, I find myself wondering whether I will ever get to be truly healthy again.
gwynhefar: (hitchhikers guide)
Luck? Notice anything about our luck lately? Some kinda pattern?


Seems like no matter what I do lately something, be it big or little, goes wrong. Took the turn into the work parkinglot too sharp this morning and drove over the curb. Scraped up my bumper and hubcap something fierce, and probably knocked the wheels out of alignment, not to mention possibly damaging the tire. Seems ok at the moment, but that kind of stunt can cause slow leaks so I wouldn't be too surprised to find it flat when I leave today. In a way, it's worse, because it's my own damn fault for being careless. I don't really care about the cosmetic damage - I plan on driving her into the ground like I've done for all my cars and a few scrapes just add personality - but dammit I can't afford any repairs, even minor ones, right now. I was over budget last month, and I'm over budget again this month already. And my budget doesn't have much in the way of wiggle-room so when I end up over budget it tends to come from the overdraft, which then sits there gaining interest until I get an under budget month where I can pay it off.

I can't help but figure the world's trying to tell me something, but damned if I know what it is.

Two Things

Jul. 31st, 2009 04:33 pm
gwynhefar: (four things)
* I just had to pay a $100 diagnostics fee to find out the problem with my car was a $40 gas cap. Figures.

* In the last 72 hours, I have had about 10 hours of sleep. I'm getting really sick of this.
gwynhefar: (father)
Ok, first you need to know some background. There is a country song called "26 cents." When I was in college, I heard this song on the radio and sent a copy to my mother, and it kind of became a thing for us. It tells the story of a girl leaving home for the first time and being given an envelope by her mother. She opens the envelope on the the bus to find it contains a note and 26 cents. The refrain (which is the text of the note) goes like this:

When you get lonely, call me
Anytime at all and I'll be there with you, always
Anywhere at all
There's nothing I've got that I wouldn't give
And money is never enough
Here's a penny for your thoughts
A quarter for the call
And all of your momma's love

This'll be important later, I promise.

It's been a crappy month for me. I've been sick with a miserable cold that won't let up. My computer is a broken mess, and I've spent way too much time on the phone with Dell trying to get it to work.

Today in particular has been bad for several reasons. When I went out yesterday, I apparently didn't close the door to my bedroom all the way, which means a cat got in and decided to express their annoyance at me not being around to pay attention to them by peeing on my comforter. Which meant that I had to sleep last night with just a sheet, as the comforter was in the wash. So I was cold all night and didn't sleep well. Today was boring and I was tired and couldn't seem to concentrate on getting any work done. Then I come out to my car after work to find that somebody left an advertisement flier on my car windshield *covering* my parking registration tag. As a result, I got a $30 ticket that I now have to take time off work tomorrow to go contest, since the parking office closed the same time I left work.

So all in all, I was in a pretty foul mood before I ever came home.

Then I came home, checked the mail, and found a card from my mother. It was an "I'm thinking of you" type card, and inside was simply taped a quarter and a penny.

So now I'm still having a bad day, only now I'm emotionally conflicted because I feel both warm and fuzzy from the card and also guilty because I haven't called her in almost a month which why she had to send the card in the first place.

I think I'm going to go take a nap. (yes, I've already called my mother)

gwynhefar: (Default)
Today is not a good day. My allergies are acting up, making me sniffly, sneezy, drippy, and cotton-headed. I'm utterly exhausted, because I didn't manage to get to sleep last night until after 1:30am, and I was woken up around 6am, not by the massive thunderstorm that was raging outside, but by the howling of the panicked cats that were afraid of the storm. Of course, today is the day, according to the notice left by my apartment complex, that they are coming to check the chimneys and make sure all is safe. The notice politely asked me to make sure that all pets were secured in another room.

This means that I had to attempt to herd 6 cats into the bedroom, without the others escaping. Considering they were already skittish due to the storm, this was not an easy task. Furthermore, they balked at entering the bedroom because they *know* they're not allowed in there. Unfortunately, it's the only room I can seal off from the living room, where the fireplace is, so that's where they have to be. I don't even want to think about what my bedroom will look like when I get home today.

In the end, I got all of the cats except Siobhán and Finnegan - both of whom hid under the couch and refused to come out, even for tuna. I can only hope that they'll head back under the couch when the folks come to check the chimney and stay there. Which is actually a pretty good bet, since neither of them like strangers much.

Of course, what I *really* want to do right now is go home and take a nap, which I can't do for the following reasons:

1) I really shouldn't take the time off. I have the leave, but I'd like to build some up and not use it as soon as I get it.
2) I have a desk shift at 2pm that I'd have to get someone to cover if I went home.
3) Even if I *did* go home, I have no way of knowing if the chimney folk have already been there, or if not, when they will be coming. Inspections were to be conducted between 8am and 6pm, so any time in between is fair game. Which means I can't let the cats out until 6pm at the earliest, and even assuming my bedroom is not destroyed, four cats confined to the bedroom is not conducive for nap-taking.

Ergo, I must remain at work and not nap. This makes me very sad :-(
gwynhefar: (Got tea?)
Ok, waking up at 5:30am for no apparent reason sucks. Plus I have to pay bills today, which always depresses me. Damn Mondays.
gwynhefar: (as shackles)
So, a tire blew on my car yesterday. So instead of going home and resting like I wanted to, I got to limp my car to the garage, with irate rush-hour folks behind me, and then pay money I don't have to get my tire replaced.

On the other hand, This is All: The Pillow Book of Cordelia Kenn finally arrived, so I can get back to reading it tonight.
gwynhefar: (defeated)
I'm in a really crappy mood today and I don't know why. I'm easily annoyed or frustrated, and I had to literally bite my tongue to keep myself from making a sarcastic reply to a person at the reference who as being particularly obtuse. I should go home early today, for everyone's continued sanity.
gwynhefar: (Default)
Ever been so tired that you need to concentrate to keep your eyes from unfocusing? I am.
gwynhefar: (Default)
Ok, ignore this post if you don't want to listen to me whinge.

Let's see . . . on Saturday I was sitting on my balcony in my hammock chair (which has been hanging from the same hook for several weeks and never gave me any cause for concern before), when the hook holding it suddenly came out of the ceiling and plopped me butt-first on the concrete floor. Then the wooden cross-bar fell on my head. It hurt, but once I got over the shock and picked myself back up the pain faded to a dull ache and I figured I was mostly bruised. It actually got better for a few days, until yesterday it started getting slightly worse again, and by last night and today I'm having extreme amounts of pain every time I change position - from sitting to standing and vice versa. And don't even talk to me about lying down. Sure it feels great while I'm doing it, but getting down and getting up again are excruciating. Now I'm beginning to think I've actually cracked my tailbone. Of course, my doctor's office is closed because of the hurricane and the only other alternative is the Emergency Room which takes forever on a good day, which the week after a major hurricane is not. And it's not like they can do anything about it except tell me to move as little as possible and maybe give me crutches, so I basically have to wait for my doctor to open so I can get it confirmed. [ profile] shadesong, this probably means I won't be able to dance with you at the Flogging Molly concert, which really sucks because Flogging Molly is not the kind of band you want to stand or sit quietly for, which is about all I'm going to be able to do :-(

What else? Monday I went into work for the first time after Gustav and it took me a little over an hour to get into work and over an hour and a half to get home. This is for a commute that usually takes about 15 minutes. Several major traffic lights are still out and traffic is beyond horrendous. After getting to the limits of my frustration I managed to convince my boss to let me work from home yesterday and then today I'm working from home so I can get stuff done on my laptop while lying on my stomach on my bed to prevent any further aggravation to my abused coccyx. Tomorrow I have to go in because I have a desk shift and a few other things that need to be done in the office, so I'll be bringing pillows to sit on and hoping they've fixed the traffic lights by now.

Oh, and lately I've noticed a bunch of those little black ants hanging around my computer desk. This really bugged me so I traced them back -- they're coming out of the electrical outlet!! What the hell?! There's nothing for them to eat over here and they don't seem to be after anything in particular, they're just hanging around. I'm worried they're going to get in the computer and mess things up. Everything I've heard about getting rid of ants says you're supposed to target your spray or whatever around the place where they're entering the house, but when it's an electrical socket I can't exactly spray that, now can I? Liquid and electricity don't mix. *sigh*

Ok, I think that's all my whinging out of my system now. I think. If I come up with more I'll let you know. At least I have power.
gwynhefar: (Ooops!)
So when I bought my car, they gave me my key on this fancy little spring-loaded keychain thingy with the dealership logo on it. I attached it to my hunk o' keys and didn't really think more about it. Yesterday, I went to check my mail, taking my keys with me, and walking across the parkinglot to the other side of the complex past the pool where the mailboxes were.

This morning, I went to go get in my car to leave and realised that the car key wasn't on the chain. The little spring-loaded keychain thingy had come unfastened, and it was still there, the key was not. Now I know it was still there when I left for the mailbox yesterday, and I hadn't touched my keys since I put them back in their place after coming back from the mailbox, so somewhere between my apartment door and the mailboxes lay my key. I walked the path back and forth about five times, but still couldn't find the key.

Since I was not given a spare, I was finally forced to call the local Chevy dealership and inquire about getting a replacement key. They told me to come in, bringing proof of ownership, and they'd cut me a new key. So I got a ride from a helpful neighbour, and 10 minutes and $100 later I have a new key to my car. Then the person tells me, 'you know you have to get this programmed, right?' Apparently what they failed to mention over the phone is that there's a computer chip in the key that needs to be programmed to match the car before the key will work in the ignition. Oh, and in order to program the key, they need the car.

So now I'm back in my apartment, waiting for the tow truck to come and tow my car to the Chevy dealership so I can pay another $50 for them to program the key. The soonest the tow truck can be here is in 3 hours. There goes another day of leave I can't afford to lose. Guess I better start volunteering for more weekend shifts *sigh*
gwynhefar: (Default)
It figures that on a day when I'm exhausted and just want to go home, I find my car has a flat tire which delays my departure 45 minutes and puts me smack in the middle of the rush hour I *usually* avoid by going home at 4pm.

I'm even too tired to think about watching the lovely Johnny Depp movie that showed up from Netflix today.
gwynhefar: (Chaos Theory)
My stupid computer is being annoying again. I'll be connected to the internet, and in the background I can watch files downloading so I *know* I'm connected. But Firefox will return a 'Page Not Found' every time. And then without warning it'll go back to working. And then it'll stop. It's annoying as all get out and I can't figure out why it's doing that.
gwynhefar: (Default)
So last night I. and I saw Cloverfield. Pre-warned, we sat in the back and that was enough for me to be fine with the camera-work. It started out rather slow, but once things got going they *really* got going and it was great! I thought it was very well done.

Of course, then we came home and there were police all over the place because some guy had been caught trying to mug someone in my apartment parkinglot, right in front of my building. I. actually felt worried leaving me there, but I had to work today, and they'd already caught the guy, so eventually I convinced him I'd be fine and promised to lock my doors, which I did. Everything was fine, of course, but it's still kinda creepy. The area I live in is usually pretty crime-free.

Anyway, today I'm here at work, which is annoying because I'm *still* somewhat sick, but I switched my shift last week when I was *really* sick for this one, so there's not much I can do about it other than sit here for 6 hours hacking. Why is it that the cough is always the thing that lingers on for *weeks*?


Jan. 17th, 2008 10:05 am
gwynhefar: (as shackles)
Something about ALA Midwinter kicks my immune system. Last year, I got dreadfully sick before even arriving at the conference. This year I started coughing the night before my flight home and by the time I got on the plane I was a shivering, coughing, aching mass of sickness. No matter what I do I can't seem to get warm enough, I'm coughing up foul-tasting phlegm, my head is spinning, and every bone in my body aches.

I *hate* being sick.

So of course, coming right off a conference I am now home sick from work, in the hopes that resting today will make me well enough to hobble in tomorrow and get a few of the things done that absolutely have to be done before the 3-day weekend.

Meanwhile, I have a package from and I can't even muster up the energy to open it. That should give you an idea of how bad I feel.
gwynhefar: (Default)
Even in as little as 10 days I'd forgotten how much my back can seize up and ache when sitting in front of the computer for 4+ hours at a time. Welcome back to work *sigh*
gwynhefar: (Pain)
It is a little ironic that the very act of getting my pain pills has caused to me to be in some of the worst pain of my life. This is why long car trips are out for me. Because I have the scary narcotic pills I have to actually pick up the prescription at the doctor's office. The doctor's office is next to the mall. An hour and a half later I am finally home after slugging through all the holiday traffic and I am not at a pain level 10 curl-up-in-a-spasming-ball-of-misery pain.
gwynhefar: (Default)
This weekend has sucked so far. For the last two days I've been dealing with periodic bouts of low-level nausea and major insomnia. I was out of work yesterday, and after about 3 hours of sleep last night and nausea this morning I even had to call in and not go to work today, and I really try not to do that when I work on the weekends because it means someone else has to be called in, but I really wasn't up to 7 hours of working the reference desk.

I really hope this goes away soon.


gwynhefar: (Default)

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