Many of your tortured affairs made me go "ewww".
Well, they are supposed to be tortured affairs. Generally I interpret that as meaning I find something incredibly compelling about them while admitting that I'd never *really* want to have them as a partner.

lso, note that at least one of them is gay
Well, that could be one reason why it's tortured :)

(two, if you subscribe to those theories about Spike and Angel)
Don't get the appeal of Angel at all myself, but my Spike has always been . . . flexible *g*