(no subject)

[gwynhefar]

Pain, I've discovered, has the effect of turning one into a child. Lying in bed, in the middle of the night, with my leg a mass of tense burning muscle periodically wracked with sharp, piercing spasms of pain, I have found myself punching the pillow in frustration like a child having a temper tantrum (the only reason I didn't kick the mattress is because it would have made my leg hurt worse). This week has been particularly bad.

I have already talked to several neurosurgeons and made my decision. I will be having the surgery, probably in late January or February. If all goes well, I will be in the hospital only a few days, out of work for about 2-3 weeks, and about 6 weeks for a full recovery. Unfortunately, I have been warned that even removing the tumor is no guarantee of relief from pain. The only thing that is guaranteed is that removing the tumor will prevent it from getting bigger and causing more pain. But the pain I already have may have simply become habitual for the nerve, and continue even after the root cause is removed.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up. And I'm trying not to freak out about the idea of the surgery. I *hate* the idea of surgery. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I get panic attacks when I have to go into the hospital. At my next appointment it is something I really need to bring up with the doctor, because there is every likelihood that they will need to pump me full of Valium just to keep me in the hospital bed. Last time I was in the hospital for my gastroenteritus, I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from tearing out the IV.

I'll keep y'all updated as the surgery gets closer.

Comments

[whitecrow0.livejournal.com]

I am proud of you for facing your fear and scheduling the surgery. I hope that my feeling that it will be a good thing for you is correct!

[gwynraven.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I avoided it for as long as possible, but there really is no other option right now. I truly am barely functioning. If I had any other job I'd be on disability already. Only because I can do so much work from home have I been able to stay employed. And I can't continue to live like this much longer.

[maida-mac.livejournal.com]

Best of luck with it, Gwyn. I'll be thinking about you.

[piratejenny.livejournal.com]

Good luck to you. As someone who had back surgery way long ago in the dark ages (1984), I can say that while it hurt like a bitch for a few days, it was only a few days and that surgery has improved leaps and bounds since then. It sounds like this is the sensible decision for the long run and I'm sure you'll be glad you did this. After you get out of the hospital anyway. :-)

[harkalark.livejournal.com]

*hugs and stuff*

[cissa.livejournal.com]

I hope it all goes really well, and that it does get rid of the pain. *hugs*

[opakele.livejournal.com]

Start talking about your surgery anxiety with your doctor and his/her staff now. If they are sensible they will address it.

I can relate to how you feel about hospital stuff.

[kk1raven.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the surgery. I hope it goes smoothly and has good results.