Serious Question

[gwynhefar]

I was wondering, in the contemplative way I tend to do when depressed, what effect if any other people with depression feel the internet has on their condition?

I'm in the middle of one of those (thankfully mostly rare) episodes where I withdraw and become completely antisocial. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want another human being to acknowledge my existence. I wish I had an invisibility cloak and a cone of silence so no one would see or hear me right now. It'd be nice if it worked two-ways, as I don't want to see or talk to anyone right now either.

Except whatever it is that triggers that unreasonable desire to hide from other people both in person and over the phone, isn't triggered by the internet. I'm at a point where someone walks by or the phone rings and I cringe. But I have no problems answering email or writing this post.

So, question part one: does anyone else experience this strange dichotomy (assuming you even get the antisocial episodes to begin with)?

Question part two: If yes to question part one, do you feel that communication over the internet helps or hinders your recovery? I'm not really sure myself about this one. On the one hand, because I feel comfortable communicating online despite my current antisocialness (is that a word?), I'm at least having some form of human contact, albeit limited. Part of me thinks that this contact is healthier for me than no contact at all, and might even pull my out of my slump faster. On the other hand, the availability of email and other forms of online communication facilitates my hiding from more personal interactions. I've already returned my mother's phone call from last night via email, something I almost never do with her, because I really don't feel like talking to her but if I ignored her she'd just keep calling. Not having access to online communication would make it more difficult for me to maintain my isolation, and forcing myself into interpersonal relations, however uncomfortable they may currently be, might also be healthy. I'm just not sure which is better.

Any thoughts?

Comments

[juliana-norwich.livejournal.com]

Actually, when I get into a real downward spiral I hide from the net as well if not more so. I find I can continue to keep up a front with real people, even though I've got that empty hollow feeling inside and am on the verge of tears the whole time. I'm fragile but I'm there.

The Internet feels to me much more demanding of my personal energy. I have to read, post, reply. People are expecting entries and responses and when I'm depressed I just can't do it. If all goes very quiet from me on here, know that I'm on a down.

I then get embarrassed that I haven't written in a long while, people start to de-friend me cos I haven't commented or been around and that just makes me feel worse, so I don't look at all. Drop right out of the loop. It's not good. LJ can be such a supportive place.

I think that if you can maintain contact with people on line then that's something. It's safe. It's possible it's healthier then my putting up a front and then bursting into tears when someone breathes extra aggressively.

Anyway my thoughts are with you at this time,

Juliana

[gwynraven.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I find it takes more energy for me to keep up a front in person or on the phone than online -- I don't have to worry about smiling in an email or making my voice sound cheery. I post haphazardly enough as it is that I really don't feel too much pressure to say something intelligent, and the physical disconnect helps me feel less vulnerable when I do post something, so I can 'talk' if I want to and not if I don't.

When I was in undergrad my episodes were much worse, and I literally went two weeks once without ever leaving the apartment. Nowadays I don't usually get that bad, and right now I'm at least functional enough to be in the office, although I'm praying no one stops by to talk today. It'll go away in a day or two -- it always does -- and until then I'll hunch and hide but probably continue to write :)

Thanks for your kind words.

[vulpine137.livejournal.com]

It's been a long time since I did the antisocial thing, but yeah...the internet didn't trigger the desire to avoid people. I could edit my responses so everything seemed ok and fine, I hate letting people know I'm having a bad swing.

As for recovery...I don't know. My antisocial periods only lasted a few days at most, then my desire for friends won out over my desire to be alone.

[bookgirlwa.livejournal.com]

1. Yes.

2. Helps. Reminds me that I'm not alone, at a level of communication I can handle, and I find when I do muster up the energy/courage to post an "I'm so fucking depressed" post, just the act of doing so helps. Regardless of replies. Internet helps a lot, as I have very little emotional support in real life. Too many "positive thinkers".

[gwynraven.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I hate the "positive thinkers".

[feste-sylvain.livejournal.com]

Fortunately for me, my bouts of depression are all situational. Some are extended (as are the situations), but none are "just" my brain lying to me.

But in those situations, I've found the internet to be a mixed blessing. I don't want to burden my friends with my problems, but my closer friends that I'm not able to get to physically are willing to listen.

My recovery is tied to solving the situation. Sometimes the internet helps with that, too.

[gwynraven.livejournal.com]

Yeah, situational depression is a whole nother kettle of fish. Glad you don't get the random kind :)

[kajivar]

I've been totally avoiding my local friends as I've turned into a hermit. So my online friends are my lifeline. However, if I get really really depressed, I avoid even online.

[whitecrow0.livejournal.com]

It's really too confusing and complicated for me to tackle on a fly-by break. I tend to be much more sociable online than in person, but I still have issues with answering email and comments. However it's a lot easier to write a post than it is to talk to someone on the phone, for instance. And I think that does both help and hinder me; I at least get to look back and get input, but at the same time, I'm not pushing myself as hard as I could for real-world change.

[phantom_wolfboy]

1. Yes. I find it easier to deal with people on-line at the best of times, and when I withdraw I find it even easier.

2. I agree with you on all points.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

I mostly live like this.

For me, the 'net is a godsend. I can be social in a way I can handle, and am not driven to try to create and maintain "real life" relationships for lack of any other option. My marriage apart, I have not had good luck with "real life" relationships, and I'm quite sure the fault is mine. Still- it don't work.

The 'net does keep me involved with people I care about, and tends to pull me out of my shell about as much as i want to get pulled out.

I think it's good. For me, anyway. :)

[maida-mac.livejournal.com]

Same for me. :)